MDMA (Ecstasy)

It was a Friday night and I had decided for a few weeks that I wanted to try molly on this specific night. So my male friend had organised with a girl friend of his to sort us some bics. We got 2 to be exact, but I only wanted to have 1/2 because these ones were strong and I am a smaller person so I was worried about purity or effects on me as this was my first hard drug. Anyways, so the night comes and we're in my kitchen halving one of the bics. He was supposed to take it with me but decided not to because he had a complicated relo with the girl he got it off of. So I take just over half of a bic and we then head out, Will drives us to a nice park (sun was setting) so that I could distract myself and avoid a bad come up. We walked around a nice park whilst I waited for it to kick in, then ended up sitting on these swings. I can't really explain it properly, but I just felt like a bit of glitter had been sprinkled into me. I felt a little warmer, a little lighter and I knew it was starting to hit. But it wasn't strong enough where I knew for sure, so I turned to Will and told him "I think it's hitting lets go." So we got into his car and that's when I got the mouth twitches. My pupils looked dilated af and my lip could not stop twitching on one side of my mouth. I started feeling really warm, and just happy and light. I don't remember what else happened, I think it was getting dark and we then drove to my close friend's house because she wanted to see me. I got out of the car and she was like "wow you look high." We ended up walking along this trail near her house (also near mine) and I just felt so good. Like every muscle in my body felt so tingly and nice, like glitter and I just felt so warm. Scarlette was funnier, everything was nicer and I remember sitting on this swing set at another park that we all walked to and just feeling so so good. I was chewing gum at that point because my mouth wouldn't stop moving. Will got into an argument with the girl but I didn't take much notice, I started really peaking when we walked back and I was just sitting in his car with the music on. I remember closing my eyes and feeling a type of euphoria I had never felt in my life. Like my body was melting into an abyss of heaven, every joint and muscle tingly and free of pain or ache, the music never sounding so good and I felt a smile plastered across my face. I had a deep convo with Will (while absolutely high) and the drive back, I didnt't want it to end. I was peaking so much and every bump on the road sent tingles and dopamine all through me, molly was like a warm hug. I ended up home as he dropped me off, sitting on the couch on tiktok, full of dopamine as it was very very slowly wearing off. I couldn't sleep much that night but my gosh, I couldn't stop thinking about molly for the week after. What a drug that was.

Cocaine

I actually ended up doing this twice because I didn't do enough the first time. But anyways, I flew to Brisbane with my close friend to visit my other friend whom I have a complicated relationship with. (We had feelings for each other in the past but he moved to Brisbane which made us stay as friends.) The first night I did it, I was in his room with his mate and my close friend and again... I only did half because I didn't know the purity or how I'd react. So he cut it up and lined it up in his phone case, rolled up a $ note and I shoved it up my nose, snorting my way down. It felt so gross, like sand going up my nose but I pulled through. I sat there waiting, I didn't take enough so I only got shivers and a bit of adrenaline but that was it... bit of a let down. So the second time I did it was the night after, in my friend's car with my close friend sitting in the back. It was late at night and we were parked up at a lookout spot/park area and he did the same, lined it up in his phone case for me and I rolled up a $10 note and went down the line. I did over half - a whole line this time. We had tunes on in the car, nice vibes and after my line I grabbed Flynn (my friend) I grabbed his phone and was gonna queue some music. Then, something started happening and my brain didn't take notice but I remember I started getting fidgety, I couldn't stop moving my legs, leaning forwards and then backwards and I kept locking my attention to the front windshield. I was just staring outside, then went back to Spotify because I realised I hadn't queued anything. I gave Flynn's phone back and looked in the back seat, my friend was looking at me strangely and I got so defensive. I was like "Why are you looking at me like I'm crazy." And she immediately was like "Nah I'm not!" I then started really feeling it, I couldn't stop tapping my leg, moving so I (my memory is foggy bear with me) said that we need to go outside right now. Standing outside, I couldn't stop moving my weight from one leg to the other, I remember trying to stay still because I felt like I was faking it but I genuinely couldn't. I then got the shivers so bad (happened when I was coming up the night before) so I then said we needed to get back in the car. My friend Scarlette looked worried but I remember Flynn acting nonchalant about it. We sat back in the car and once the shivers stopped, I needed to move again. Like bad. I grabbed my earphones and started blasting techno, it felt like my brain needed techno, like it was working out my brain that was moving 1000 miles an hour. I don't remember any thoughts I had. We then walked outside and I felt like a tweaker. I couldn't smile properly and I couldn't.stop.moving. They took me to a bench at the top of a hill and I just went crazy. I don't remember much aside from just running, moving and hearing the beats in my ear. I felt invincible, I felt like the man, like nothing could stop me. I was full of energy, I felt I could fight a fucking bear. My heart was pounding so fucking fast and my memory is blurry from there, apparently I was yelling stuff out to myself which I don't recall. I then remember sitting at a table with them, the invincibility wore off and I was just super super hyper vigiliant. Hyper aware of everything. I was still moving a lot, but I was just staring and looking around us constantly. Time didn't exist. Focusing on my friend's faces felt weird, but comfortable to stare at. The drive home was weird too, I was mute and just so hyper aware of everything. I crashed so bad by the time we got back to Flynn's and I just felt like shit. Food tasted shit, everything felt shit. But the crash only lasted like 30 minutes and then I started feeling normal ish again. Not overly keen to do it ever again and I don't understand what was so good about it, but yeah that was that.

Mushrooms

Mushrooms was something. My first and only psychedelic trip I've ever taken. (so far.) I was 16 at the time and my friend (Scarlette) and I had bought some off this guy we went to high school with who went into the mountains and picked them himself. At the time we did 0 research and he told us to take wayyyy more than we should've. So one night, Scarlette and I sat in my room, each with a bowl of mushrooms and just ate them. It wasn't too bad but I ended up eating strawberries straight after to help mask the taste a bit. We sat there in anticipation, waiting for something to happen (we were dumb) and just feeling more and more anxious. We ended up sitting out in the main room with my cats and I was sitting on th floor, her on the couch as we chatted. Then I remember, my cat's fur started looking a weird texture. Like a moving pattern, I looked at the walls and they started just looking like very specific shades with no texture. I told my friend it was hitting, but I was starting to internally freak out as I was not ready for it. My friend's face started looking weird, her eyes moving around and her face ressembling like an entity I couldn't recognise. I then started to freak out, yelling at her not to look at me and I started schitzing out. Closing my eyes was worse, it felt like drowning in water, nothing I could do was helping. I ended up running to the bathroom and begging for my sister to help me, she grabbed my shoulders and held me against the wall, telling me to shut up because our parents were asleep and her face was so distorted. Sounds were also distorted, almost distant with an echo and like multiple tones playing over one another. Her face was moving around, I couldn't look at her and she ended up sending me to my bedroom, into my bed with a Youtube video to chill out. As she was chatting with Scarlette, I felt my head bobbing out of the water again and I felt myself back in reality. I don't know why but hearing my sister say "She's just on drugs she'll be fine." made me come back to reality and realise she was right. It was just a Saturday night, and I was gonna be okay. I kept feeling like my head could so easily go back down and I could freak out again so I kept reminding myself it was a Saturday night, I was just tripping on drugs. We ended up discord calling my friend Will and another mate which helped even more as Will called us stupid for doing drugs without proper research. I then reached a zen state, I felt spiritually opened, like the mushrooms were a deity I was connecting to and that you need to make peace with the deity to reach flow state. I kept telling Scarlette (hers hit and she started freaking) to make peace with her (mushroom deity) and she will make peace back. I felt I could control time, making everything move in slow motion and then speeding everything up, I felt like a God. Like I had reached the deity and was communicating with her. I also felt like I could see into Scarlette's mind and connect with her, like I had unlocked spiritual powers. I went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror, gosh I can't explain what I saw but it was like I saw myself throughout my life. Like the girl in the mirror was me as a child, growing up and I was so proud of myself. Telling her in the mirror how far she had come and how it's been a privilege watching her grow up. It felt grounding and emotional and I don't remember how long I spent talking to her. I then remember feeling like my vision was 1000 times better and I could zoom in on things like a microscope. As I was slowly coming out of it, I sat on the couch and talked to my cat, about time and life... like some real deep thoughts. I also felt a fear that it would never end because it felt like so much time had passed. I remember I couldn't sleep that night and just kept seeing patterns and pictures in my mind. Oh I also remember having the deepest thoughts about how my phone was like my second brain, holding memories and things I may have forgotten without it. Man mushrooms was crazy and I don't know if I'd ever touch them again.

Marijuana

Everyone has smoked pot but I still want to talk about my experiences. I smoked it heavily around the ages of 16-17, mainly skipping classes and smoking it out of a gatorade bottle that I had made into a bong. Anyways, I remember the first time I did it with this girl named Kayley who I'm not friends with anymore, and I didn't feel anything at all. We had done it on a trail near my house and I expected it to feel like how liquor made me feel so I didn't feel much. Then, I had my hands on some of my own and did it on the same trail the second time, but by myself. I don't remember how I felt as it was so long ago, but I felt it that time and I just felt so tingly. My body felt a little numb, the sun felt so nice on me and I kept getting lost in my thoughts. After that I started smoking quite frequently. Some trips I was quite paranoid so I started smoking in my backyard rather than the trail. I had some real good naps on it, some very vivid thoughts and tried everything on it. Lmao jacking off and having sex on it felt so so strange. I also showered while on it and holy hell, the feeling of the water running down my body came so close to the euphoria I felt on mdma. Out of body experience. I also remember smoking a new purple strain far from home as I had gotten it off a new dealer, and it was so fucked. I mean, the sun felt so nice on me but I couldn't function. It's like I could read the bus times but I couldn't comprehend it. Like the 2 sides of my brain weren't communicating. Then on the bus, my memory kept resetting and I kept forgetting where I was, standing up and looking around the bus stressfully and then reminding myself I was on my way home. Time kept pausing and playing too which became more frequent when I was high and made it easy for me to feel like I was greening out. I remember one time I could not stop laughing at something my friend said when I got wayyyy too cooked. When she said I had been laughing for 10 minutes, I realised I was losing track of time and was way too high so I went mute and watched Mouk to calm myself down LMAO. It really is a mind game tbh. I've smoked it occasionally since then with Flynn, friends, my ex and at the club with strangers but the feeling is nicer and more subtle now. I just feel warm and not fully in reality now. I also used to suffer bad bad derealisation and depersonalisation (dpdr) from it when I ws 16 and get it sometimes now after a smoke. It never fully goes away, but I've learnt to live with it and it's faded out of my reality over time.

Other things I'd try & why (not in any rush to)

Ketamine: I honestly want to try it, but only a little bit like what I do with any hard drug I've tried. I also know Ket differs sooo much from mdma or coke altogether so I would not want to dive head first into it and risk K-hole-ing but I would definitely want to try it at some point.

Acid: I'm kind of 50/50 on it as I have been put off psychedelics a bit as a whole and I have heard bad experiences on LSD, but maybe if I was somewhere and offered a tab or there came a point where it was there, I'd try it.

Xanax or Valium: One of my mates uses val sometimes and just describes it as feeling really tired and switched off so I'd be curious to see what that's like and how it feels, same with Xanax. I naturally have anxiety in daily life so I would like the feeling of having that completely switched off. So far I think that's the only other drugs I'd be interested in trying. I would personally never do any harder drugs than that like heroin, meth etc are completely off the table for me.